We know we don’t need to tell you this, but being a new mom is hard! In fact, that may even be the understatement of the century!
Because not only do you have a newborn baby relying on you, and not only are you recovering from one of the most painful and life changing things a person can go through, but everyone seems to have their own opinion on being a new mom too!
So when you’re already feeling overwhelmed and like you have no energy at all, you’re hit with waves of guilt and criticism from both other moms and non-parents alike.
All in all, your body is changing, you’re probably uncomfortable and in pain, your baby seems to always be hungry, and you’re left feeling like you’re doing everything wrong. It’s the kind of attitude that permeates into even our most private moments, when we’re just at home and trying to relax.
What can be done about it? The key is to recognize when you’re making comparisons, and what a toll it’s really taking on you. But seeing as that requires quite a lot of emotional presence and energy to do, let’s go through some practical steps to stop it in the meantime.
Get Off of the Internet!
Quite possibly THE most important thing any new parent can do, let alone new moms. When you get off of the internet, it becomes so much easier to ignore the unsolicited advice and unexpected critical comments. You’re simply not there to see them!
Because with the way the internet is, even when we’re not looking for any advice regarding newborn parenting, we’re more than likely to come across it. Social media algorithms make sure of it, with our personal online feeds filled to the brim with all kinds of parenting and babycare videos.
All of these videos have comment sections too, and hundreds of people can take to them to make every single thought known. Being exposed to it, even as a quiet scroller just taking some time on your phone, is going to leave an impression.
Talk Through Worries with Professionals
When your newborn seems to be a bit more fussy than usual, it can send you into a panic. It’s only natural to reach out for help in this situation, and most new moms tend to head online to find out what could be going on and/or what she should do. With such a wealth of information and personal insight from other parents available, why not?
But as we said in our first point, heading to the internet can be both good and bad for you! And when you’re worried about something to do with your baby’s health and comfort, you’re going to be in a frame of mind where the worst case scenario is going to seem all the more likely.
That’s why we suggest just immediately going to a medical professional and talking through your worries with them. You can also consult your midwife and/or health visitor at any time, if you’re using services like these.
From sleeping and night time feed worries, to worries about dry skin and cradle cap on face, you can get your newborn seen, checked out, and have all your questions answered.
And really, even the smallest of things is totally fine to approach a nurse or doctor about. Even if you can’t quite put your finger on it, don’t let online forums and social media overwhelm you and make you feel terrible.
Instead, try to focus on the situation in front of you and get an expert’s opinion on it.
Take a Break
You’re allowed one! New moms often feel like they have to be present 24/7, and not just for their baby. If you already have children, you have to be there for them. If you’re in a relationship, you may feel pressure to be around for your partner (even if there are no expectations there).
And your home still needs maintaining, the laundry needs doing, the bed needs making – the list goes on.
But you need to take a break. It’s the top priority right now, and it’s one that even ‘perfect’ moms on social media have to take. They just don’t let you see this, thanks to the very carefully curated brand they’ve put together.
But trust us, they need to get a bit more sleep, brush their teeth and wash their hair, or just sit down and watch TV as you do!
So go for it. Your baby can be right by your side as you do, as can older children, and there’s more than enough room for your partner as well. The washing machine will still work later on – and we highly recommend delegating some of these tasks – and no one sees your bed but you.
Remember that outward perception isn’t reality. Take that break and get your energy back. You’ll find it much easier to resist comparison when you’ve had time to take a proper rest!
Reminder: You Don’t Need to Be Perfect for Your Child
Firstly, because perfection doesn’t actually exist. And more importantly, because you already are. You’re their mom, and you’re the person they need right now.
Really, you’re already doing the best for your child in the way they need, and you’re going to bond and connect with your baby even when somebody else tells you you’re ‘not doing enough’.
Always remember that. And always remember that no matter what someone else might think and say, it doesn’t automatically mean you have to accept their criticism. It doesn’t even make it true!
It’s just a comment, like any other, and you can let it sail right past you while you’re looking at the bundle of joy you’ve brought into the world.
Reach out for help when you need it, talk to professionals, take a break (no matter what mom guilt might say to you!), and enjoy the newborn period as much as possible.
Photo Credit: Pexels Image – CC0 Licence