Being there for your kids is essential when your marriage breaks down. When things go wrong, it can be a traumatic event for everyone involved, including them.
But what should you do? How can you be there for them if the worst happens?
Tell Them That It’s Not Their Fault
The first thing you’ll want to do is remind your children that it isn’t their fault. A lot of kids believe that their parents break up because of them, but it is important to let them know that this isn’t the case. ‘
To do this, remind them regularly of the reasons why you are splitting up and choosing to live apart. Tell them about the problems you’ve been having (as long as you put them in a child-friendly way).
Then, be consistent. Keep providing them with the same story that doesn’t involve them, reminding them that both parents will still be around to care for them.
Keep Their Activities The Same
Next, you’ll want to explore how you can preserve as much of their routine as possible. Even if one parent isn’t in the house, it should feel like life is similar to before.
What you want to avoid if you can possibly help it is a wrenching change. This is where your child feels like their whole world is falling down around them and they can’t do much, if anything, about it.
Keep The Process In the Background
Going through the legal process with a spouse is always a challenge, so it is worth keeping this in the background and being discreet if you can. The Harper Macleod team has some good advice on this that is well worth reading if you get the chance.
What you want is a situation where you can buzz through all the paperwork smoothly and just get things done. You don’t want to portray it as an ordeal, especially in front of sensitive children.
Make Time For Your Kids
While going through a separation is a challenging experience, you also want to ensure that you make time for your kids. Giving them some of your time is useful because it shows them that they can still have a healthy and productive relationship with you, and that you’re not going anywhere.
You should also explain to them their new routine, including when they will see the other parent.
Tell Them That They Will Be Okay
Finally, it is a good idea to tell your kids that they will be okay and that the breakdown in your marriage isn’t something that is going to materially affect them. Many couples have a lot of success with this by carefully arranging their time with their children. They pick them up after school or take them out at weekends.
These setups can work well, and may even be beneficial for the kids if both parents are happier and there is less arguing in the household. The key factor is showing the children that they are still loved and cared for.